JOKE OF THE MONTH
Do you have a joke or saying that is funny?
Submit it to the web master.
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Do you have a joke or saying that is funny?
Submit it to the web master.
_____________________________________________________________
September 2015
If my body was a car.
If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint is getting a little dull.....
But that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it.
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
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October 2015
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
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She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
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November 2015
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson decided to go camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and after roasting their marshmallows they went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
After Watson wiped the sleep from his eyes, Watson replied “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said “And what do you deduce from that Watson?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there it is possible there might also be life.”
Holmes said: “Watson you *$@# idiot, it means that someone stole our *S@# tent.”
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Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
After Watson wiped the sleep from his eyes, Watson replied “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes said “And what do you deduce from that Watson?”
Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there it is possible there might also be life.”
Holmes said: “Watson you *$@# idiot, it means that someone stole our *S@# tent.”
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DECEMBER 2015
My wife told me to hang up the Christmas lights.
I did, I don’t know why she is still complaining……….
Why I took the bus home this Christmas
(Letter to my friends and family)
Dear Friends and Family,
I would like to share an experience with all of you about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been very fortunate to have not had a brush with the police on our way home from a holiday party. Well, last night, I was very fortunate after a Christmas party with some very good friends.
Without a doubt, I had a few too many & knowing full well I may have been slightly over the legal limit, I did something I’ve never done before - I took a bus home.
I know you are saying that I was using my head by doing so.
I arrived home safely & without incident, which was a real surprise to me, as I have never driven a bus before. I am not sure where I got it, and am uncertain of how to return it.
Merry Christmas
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(Letter to my friends and family)
Dear Friends and Family,
I would like to share an experience with all of you about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been very fortunate to have not had a brush with the police on our way home from a holiday party. Well, last night, I was very fortunate after a Christmas party with some very good friends.
Without a doubt, I had a few too many & knowing full well I may have been slightly over the legal limit, I did something I’ve never done before - I took a bus home.
I know you are saying that I was using my head by doing so.
I arrived home safely & without incident, which was a real surprise to me, as I have never driven a bus before. I am not sure where I got it, and am uncertain of how to return it.
Merry Christmas
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